This is a rant. You have been warned.

Run this post through a you should run it through a rot-13 translator one line at a time before reading the next. (For sanity's sake, just do it all at once, though; I don't want you to go through undue pain.)

Unir lbh rire orra gb n sbervta pbhagel be va n zrrgvat jvgu n tebhc bs crbcyr jub syhragyl fcrnx fbzr ynathntr lbh qba'g fcrnx ng nyy - gur ynathntr gung gur zrrgvat vf orvat pbaqhpgrq va?

Znlor lbh'er yhpxl naq unir n sevraq va gur tebhc lbh pna nfx sbe n fhzznel nsgrejneqf. Znlor lbh'er ernyyl yhpxl naq sevraq juvfcref n fhzznel gb lbh bapr va n juvyr, qhevat gur npghny zrrgvat. Znlor lbh'er vaperqvoyl yhpxl naq unir n fvzhygnarbhf vagrecergre unaql.

Lbh fgvyy zvff n ybg. Urer'f jung lbh qba'g trg:

Gur novyvgl gb trg jung jnf npghnyyl fnvq, va gur pnfr bs nyy ohg gur zbfg zrgvphybhf genafyngvba - fbzrguvat yvxr guvf trgf obvyrq qbja gb "Unzyrg gnyxrq sbe n juvyr nobhg qrngu." Pbagrag trgf ybfg; vasbezngvba naq ahnaprf inavfu.

Gur novyvgl gb ernpg va erny-gvzr gb jung'f orvat fnvq. Vzntvar univat gb pbhag gb 10 (guvf vf n irel zvyq irefvba bs vg - hfhnyyl vg'f frireny zvahgrf, ubhef, be rira qnlf) orsber fcrnxvat, rirel gvzr. Lbh ybfr n ybg bs erfcbafvirarff va lbhe pbairefngvba - rira n fvzcyr abq bs haqrefgnaqvat vf oryngrq. Lbh'er abg "va" gur fgernz bs guvatf.

Fvqr pbzzragf, pbairefngvbaf, naq wbxrf. Znlor nyy lbhe Uvaqv-fcrnxvat sevraqf ynhtu, lbh ybbx pbashfrq, naq bar bs gurz fnlf gb lbh "bu - gung jnfa'g vzcbegnag, whfg n wbxr." Znlor vg jnfa'g vzcbegnag va gur "qvqa'g qverpgyl cregnva gb n gnfx orvat qvfphffrq ng gur zrrgvat" frafr, ohg vg znqr gur erfg bs gur grnz funer na rkcrevrapr naq obaq naq tebj pybfre nf sevraqf naq pbyyrnthrf. Thrff jung? Lbh whfg zvffrq bhg ba gung.

Lbh nyfb ybfr n ybg bs fynpx - rirel vapu naq svoer bs lbhe orvat vf fgenvavat gb svther bhg jung gur urpx vf tbvat ba. Lbh pna'g tb trg fbzr pbssrr naq gura erragre gur pbairefngvba; lbh pna'g wbg qbja n cnffvat gubhtug ba cncre, lbh pna'g rng, lbh pna'g qb nalguvat ohg fgehttyr gb haqrefgnaq.

Okay. Now imagine having to do this ALL THE DAMN TIME. You now have a glimpse of the tip of the iceberg of my frustration during meetings that are conference calls. And large group meetings in general where I can't follow the lipreading bouncing across the room.

I'm tired of standing silent in the corner seething with the bursting desire to participate. The "I could be useful, if only I coud hear their questions and respond with my answers!" feeling. If I was smarter, I'd give up - I'd say "I don't do phone meetings."

I'm not smart enough to do that, though. So I'm going to keep on trying. I'm just trying to vent my aggravation here, and give some folks an understanding of why I might get frustrated during meetings - nothing to do the meeting or the people in it! It's the look of someone who wants to contribute but has to fight, alone, a  continuous uphill battle in order to do so.

Whenever possible, I want to keep others from having to experience the same pain. This may explain some of my obsession with openness and transparency and documentation. I don't want other people to have to fight for information and the ability to communicate and participate because I know that fight is painful. And I will go through bloody hell myself in order to open things up for the next round of people who want to participate.

It's just frustrating, sometimes, the feeling of having to continually hack through the underbrush with a machete... often I don't feel like I have the option to walk a clear path, and my arm's getting tired, and I just want to lie back and rest and let someone else whack through the undergrowth for a change, while I stroll along enjoying the flowers.

Right. So I got that out of my system now. Back to work.